Wardian Scrambled Eggs on Toast

Wardian Scrambled Eggs on Toast.

Ingredients:

2 medium free range eggs.
Four slices of bread -preferably wholemeal.
Salt, ground black pepper, ketchup and mayonnaise to taste.

The Cast:

 'Brevil' type toasted Sandwich maker.

Method:

1. Turn on sandwich maker to allow it to heat up.
2. Beat together the eggs in a dish, adding pepper if desired.
3. Spoon a little of the fat you have been saving in the refrigerator from the George Foreman grill (...otherwise margarine will do...), into all four compartments of the sandwich maker.  It should sizzle at this point.
4. Place two of the slices of bread into the bottom of the sandwich maker.
5. As quickly as you can, spoon on and spread out the beaten eggs on those slices.
6. Place the remaining two slices of bread on top of this concoction.
7. Before you bring the grill lid down on the bread, spread a little of the fat on top of those slice.
8. Bring the lid down and gently squeeze it together until it locks.
9. When steam appears from the back of the grill, your eggs are done.
10. Gently remove the two now toasted sandwiches and slice into halves.  Place on a plate and add ketchup and mayonnaise to taste.  And...
11. Enjoy!

    Dead simple, this.  Very little washing up and it literally takes two minutes to make; certainly less time than messing about with a separate bread toaster and a pan on the cooker.  A lot less washing up as well...

Nick Ward  16th July 2008

Tuna Pizza

    Not strictly speaking Rough Food, but I think worth mentioning, nonetheless.

    Many, many years ago when I first started dating The Blonde and we were still getting to know each other, she invited me round for an evening meal at her flat.

    As it was a beautiful, balmy summer's evening and the sun was just starting to set over the tall trees beyond the lawn at the bottom of her garden, she decided that she would cook and that we would eat outside.

    Now, I have mentioned in The Blog that The Blonde honestly is a superb chef, but at the time, I didn't know this -as I said we were still getting to know each other.  What I may not have mentioned is her sense of humour.

    So, after the obligatory first bottle of wine, she announced that dinner was ready, and so brought it down the stairs to the little table set out beautifully for two on the first floor balcony.  Looking resplendent in a short, light, cotton-print summer dress, barefoot and with a blue ribbon in her hair, she presented it to the table with a flourish.  Ta-da!

    Homemade pizza.  One of my favourites!
   That was until I saw just what she'd topped it with.
    Amongst other things a tin of tuna in brine.
    Oh, with some rather wilted looking lettuce, as well. 
    Yes, that's right.  Lettuce on a pizza.

    Now, I know this doesn't sound all that unappetizing, but trust me.  If you ever want to stop a suitor in his or her tracks, offer to make them this.  You can put all the toppings you want on to make it look cool, trendy and mouth-watering, but just a little of that one ingredient...
    It looked just fine, but the smell, taste and texture really did beggar belief!
    Oh, the fun you'll have as you watch your (...hopefully 'not-'...) soon-to-be-beau trying to look as if they're enjoying it!  You might now want to kiss them 'Goodnight' at the end of the evening though.  At least until they're brushed their teeth and had a good gargle with some mouthwash.

...

    After that, she managed to put me off for three whole days. 
    ...You may get luckier and longer...

Sprout and Peanut Butter Sandwich...

Sprout and Peanut Butter Sandwich.

Ingredients:-

Sprouts.  These can be fresh or tinned.
Peanut Butter -smooth or coarse, its up to you.
A couple of slices of your favourite bread.

Method:-

If the sprouts are fresh, cook until they have the consistency you like (...or should that be dislike the least?..), or if tinned, just heat them up.  While the sprouts are cooking, smear a good thickness of peanut butter on one slice of bread.
    Drain off the sprouts and while they are still as hot as possible, take them out one by one from the pan (...or kettle...) with a tablespoon (...or pliers...) and push each one into the peanut buttered bread.
    When you've done them all, place the other slice of bread on top and press down well.  This has the effect of squishing the sprouts and peanut butter together well enabling the bread to stick to them.

Then:-

Enjoy!  People will think you're a weirdo, but don't worry.
A couple of years ago the BBC Breakfast News did an item on weird food combinations.  While I was in the bathroom, my wife E-mailed the program, and they read it out on air, along with both presenters and their guests pulling grimaces.  Pah!  All I can say is just try it!

Okay, the following day you may not have any close mates, but you'll be happy that you got all your fibre the day before.

No sugar left...

No sugar left for your tea...

Sugar Substitute

    The other week, I ran out of the above, and after a little experimentation found that marmalade makes quite a good substitute, but in future, I'll try not to buy the 'coarse cut' that I like so much on toast.

The Monomeal

The 'mono-meal'

    This was originally developed by 'The Blonde' (...see 'The Glossary' to nickwardpersonal for more details of her...) as an efficient way of losing weight.  Not that she actually needed to, but thats just my opinion.

    There are no specific 'recipes' as such, more an 'attitude' to have while 'dieting'.

    The idea behind the 'mono-meal' is just to eat one food to the exclusion of all others.  Obviously, not very good for the old vitamin and mineral count, but over the short term, I'm reliably told it works very well.

    The Blonde likes sprouts, so for nearly four days, they were all she ate.  Okay, this didn't earn her many friends to go out drinking with sans-gas masks, but it was cheap.  She also likes boiled potatoes, so for another three days, that was all she ate.
    Then came the modified 'Atkins' where all she ate was meat for a few more.

    I'm afraid I can't come up with clinical trials and publications in 'The Lancet', to back her up on this, but The Blonde told me that over a three week period, she lost nearly a stone.  Of course, it all (...and more...) went straight back on within a month, but it meant that she was able to fit in the swimsuit she had bought for her holidays.

    Of course, like any revolutionary diet, the 'Mono-meal' did have its teething problems. 
    The Blonde's choice of milk chocolate as a source for ten days eating was unsurprisingly not an unqualified success...

Cheats Cheese on Toast

Cheats cheese on toast.

Ingredients:

Cheese
Bread
Tomatoes
Condiments/flavourings to suit

The Cast:

Standard bread toaster.
Microwave Oven.

The Method:

• Toast your bread as normal without the cheese on it.
• When browned to your liking, slice/crumble/grate your cheese of choice onto the top of the toast.
• Slice your tomato and place strategically on the top.
• Microwave on medium power for no more than 30 seconds or until the cheese starts to run.

    As the name suggests, this is the cheats way of doing things, but it has the advantage of being fast and much cheaper in electricity for your microwave rather than heating an electric grill or gas grill.  The only slight downside is that the cheese won't brown like it does under a grill.

 

Bovril

Bovril.

    In my opinion, a much maligned and forgotten about drink, this.  In times of extreme poverty, this stuff can fill you up (...a little...), and give you that warm glow when you're sat in your flat having run out of gas because your flat mate forgot it and spent his money on that kicking new album.
    To add a little 'heat' to it, add half a spoonful of hot chili flakes before you put the hot water in.  Failing that, as much ground black pepper as you can stand.
    If you're feeling particularly adventurous, before you put the Bovril in, add a spoonful of cornflower and a little cold tap water to your cup and mix to a paste.  Add your Bovril and boiling water, and stir vigorously for a few seconds.  This will have the effect of making 'Bovril Soup' into which you can dunk bread with less fear of drips and stains over your clothing.  If you don't know quite what cornflower is, ask your Mum.
    Oh, and if you've run out of electricity as well as gas, you're stuffed.  Go round to your mates place and give them the pleading 'puppy dog' looks.  Failing that, make friends with your immediate neighbours.  A little effort and they can really help you out in times of need!

Nick Ward 16th July 2008

Baked Beans

    Aah, the stuff of skint students.  Unfortunately, these do not do well in the kettle.  They are just too thick, and the beans just too glutinous.  Likewise, as you can imagine, they're not too good in The Bad Tempered Toaster.

    So, how can you do beans on toast cheaply and with very little washing up?

    A solution to this seemingly insurmountable problem is as follows:-

    Take two slices of your favourite bread.  Please one slice in the bottom of your sandwich maker (which has already been on for a couple of minutes to warm up...) and spread half a small tin of baked beans on this and the pop the other slice on top.  Close the sandwich maker, and in just a few minutes you've got a toasted baked bean sandwich with very little washing up.  The only thing to watch for is that you don't put too many beans on your bread, otherwise you're going to be cleaning beans off your sandwich maker for a couple of hours.

    Anyway, its delicious.

No I haven't forgotten...

More delicious and exciting recipes are imminent...